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English Discussion — Wrapping the love package

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Dear Everyone,

Here is a poem from a DCN fan, probably from BMT. This poem would be good for a translation exercise, going from Vietnamese to English. So if everyone tries to work on this a little, I will help you edit your work.

(ssh… ssh…. private talk for the Daklak Gang only: Do you guys like driving on one-way roads only, i.e., from English to Vietnamese only? Are you supposed to be one-wayers? 🙂 )

Oh, “cho tôi mượn sợi tóc tiên,” let’s change it to “cho tôi mượn sợi tóc hiền”. Tóc tiên is Ok in Vietnamese language, but will sound funny in English.

Great day, everyone. 🙂

Have fun!

Hoanh

.

Gói lại yêu thương
tóc dàibuoi

Cô hàng xóm tóc dài bên nớ
Có bao giờ cho nắng thẩn thơ…
Nắng rơi nắng rớt qua cành
Rớt trên lá bưởi, nằm dài dưới hiên
Cho tôi mượn sợi tóc tiên
Kết từng mảng nắng dệt lời yêu thương
Lời yêu thương, mấy đêm trường
Tôi đem treo khắp chật đường gió bay
Em về xứ lạ có hay
Yêu thương tôi gói chất đầy trong tim

Một Mình

4 thoughts on “English Discussion — Wrapping the love package”

  1. Good question, Trang.

    It is because “falls, drops, lies” in a row would make things too orderly, too clear and too solid.

    “Ing” gives the verb more life, more action, because “ing” conveys the feeling of being happening. And, here, “ing” makes things less orderly (in the order: falls first, drops second, lies third). “Ing” makes everything happen at the same time, so the picture is more lively and vague (i.e. more romantic) at the same time.

    At least, that is what I feel and try to convey to the readers.

    Good day, Trang 🙂

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  2. “The light falls through the branches
    dropping upon leaves
    lying on the patio.”
    why did you use the tense “dropping” and “lying” in stead of “drops” and “lies”?

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  3. Thanks for the translation, Plame.

    Here is my translation, for Lonely Heart (Một Mình) 🙂

    Plame, please just read it to figure out your translation.

    Some of the ideas in the original poem are left out to keep the English version clear and simple.

    Have fun, guys! 🙂

    Wrapping love package

    Hey, long-haired neighbor
    Have you ever let the sunlight stroll?
    The light falls through the branches
    dropping upon leaves
    lying on the patio.
    May I borrow some hair strands
    to weave light patches into terms of love?
    Terms of love, through the nights,
    all over the windy streets I hang.
    Leaving for a strange land,
    do you know
    I am packing you a heart full of love?

    TDH translated

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  4. Wrapping the love package
    Neighbor over there, her long hair
    Ever stroll with sun
    sun sun drops though branches
    Falls on grapefruice leaves, lie on the pation
    Can I borrow your gentle hair
    mat pieces of sun, knit words of love
    words of love, thousand nights
    I hang along crowed road winds blow
    At strange area, do you know
    wrapping the love package in my herart fully.
    Hi everybody, I know my word is quite bad. Heehee, but I tried mu best. This is the first time, I join to discuss this same topic. My English is quite bad but I am trying to improve it.
    thanks
    Have a nice day. everybody!

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