Dear Brothers (and Sisters),

Hey guys, have you ever cried?

When I grew up, I was trained by the older generations, like the famed scholar Phạm Quỳnh, that: men don’t cry, don’t smile, don’t laugh, don’t have a lot of body movements – like a statue – because we men are supposed to keep all emotions inside, so that nobody can read our thoughts and emotions. We men must be like generals whom no opponents can read anything when they look at us.

It made perfect sense to me, because we have been a country constantly at war for thousands of years against, first, our “big brother” China (who liked to lord over its southern stubborn little brother on and off for about 10 centuries in total, starting with Zhao Tuo – Triệu Đà – a general of the Chinese Qin dynasty (nhà Tần), establishing Nanyue (Nam Việt) in 204 BC after the collapse of the Qin dynasty), then the Mongolians (as ruler of China), then the Manchurians (as ruler of China), then the French (white devils), the Japs (children of Sun Goddess Amaterasu, during World War II) and Big Uncle Sam (big, strong, and cuckoo in the head), to defend, re-claim and protect our independence. If you have to be a warrior during your 20 incarnated lives to keep fighting against foreign aggressive powers like that, you want to show your opponents an icy, emotionless face in the battle – a pure fighting machine; the only cry you want to make is the battle cry “Advance! Kill!”

So, I liked old man Phạm Quỳnh and tried to wear an emotionless face and maintain stiff body movements all the time – Hey, man, I am a warrior of the Great Vietnam, no smiling, no laughing, stiff body, and absolutely no emotional crying with tears flowing.

But for some reason, at one time I could not control myself and started crying. I am not sure what was the reason and when – probably I was kicked out by a girlfriend. But I don’t remember there was a girl involved; besides, I was usually not that mushy with girls – more or less, I would be cool and in self-control.

If I have to guess, I would guess that had to be something related to a situation involving a sad condition for so many people, like seeing a military GMC truck full of soldier corpses during the War, or poor farming villages set ablaze by napalm bombs…

Anyway, the first time I actually cried with tears flowing, I felt such a tremendous relief in my heart. I felt lighter, relieved, and more human – it seemed I was no more a machine or a robot, but a real weak and vulnerable man, with no need to pretend to be a super-fighter.

From that point on, I paid more attention to others’ emotional states and their sadness and tears, and felt that I understood them more.

Much later I read somewhere the popular psychology that you should allow yourself to be in touch with your inner feelings and let them express themselves freely to you, and to others at times; that would make you more humane and wiser.

I think that is correct. EQ is better than IQ.

So, men, cry whenever you feel wanting to cry. No need to hide our emotions. At least, crying will relieve your stress, in addition to make you more humane and wiser.

Wish we all be in touch with our emotions.

With compassion,

Hoành

© copyright 2024
Trần Đình Hoành
Permitted for non-commercial use
www.dotchuoinon.com

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

We all are happy when succeeding and stressed when failing. That is natural. But we also know we become wiser after each failure, be it a lost love or a bankrupt business. That is why we says, “Failure is mother of success.”

However, this is something you may have overlooked.

If failure is mother of success, then there is indeed no failure. Each “failure” makes us wiser, then each failure is a success in being wiser.

All my life, as far back as I can remember, I have never thought “I am failing.” Of course, have been unsuccessful at many things, but I have never thought “I am failing.” No one ever teaches me to think that way. Somehow, I have thought that way since I was very little, I guess.

Every time I am unsuccessful at something, I feel absolutely like winning – just “no big deal.” Somehow, I naturally know you win some and lose some, no big deal. In my primary school time, I used to be first in my class. Sometimes I dropped down to second. One day in my fifth grade, my dad wrote a comment on my school report: “Why falling down? Try harder or you will be punished.” I held the report, read it and talked quiet to myself: “What’s the big deal. I can’t be number one all the time. There is only one way for me to go sometimes is to go down because I can’t go up.” I guess, that was the day that I formed in my head the idea that ups and downs are natural and no big deal.

Growing up from that day, every time I am unsuccessful at anything, I just think: “Good, one more good lesson.” Truly, I have never seen any failure as failure. The dictionary in my head probably doesn’t have the word “failure.” Every time, winning or losing, I only see a good living experience. I have never stressed at losing anything. In sentimental matters, I hurt like crazy when I lose someone or make someone hurt, but I don’t call that failure – just one more good lesson to learn.

Life is a long series of learning and experiencing. Ups and downs are living lessons and living experiences. All lessons and experiences, be they hurting or comforting, are good for us.

No failure. Just another good hurting lesson, once in a while. Thanks, God.

Wish everyone enjoy the ride up and down.

With compassion,

Hoành

© copyright 2024
Trần Đình Hoành
Permitted for non-commercial use
www.dotchuoinon.com

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Individualism advocates the primacy of the individual and his/her independence, interest, goal and opinion over external forces such as the power of the state or the norms of the society. With the advance of Internet, which gives everyone the power to communicate publicly worldwide, individualism has been rising at an extreme speed.

But that rise has brought about so many problems for almost every human society in the world, due to the weakening of society’s rules and orders – children listening to parents less, same thing with students and teachers; many countries are in political and social chaos – even politicians put their individual selves above the unity and interests of their countries; the youth lose directions and have little idea about their role and responsibility in their community. Most young people care about fashion, entertainment, good foods, hot spots, vaping… and have zero idea about what they should do for their community, be that their school or their country. Continue reading Individualism →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

We all want big things – big house, big car, big job, big position, big money, big power, big name…

Who want small stuff?

But here is the important point: If you do anything very well, you shall have big name and/or big money and/or big power, whether you like it or not. You cannot stop the big things coming to you when you are very good at something. Continue reading Small and big →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

If you are honest to yourself, you will be honest to everyone else. Most liars are not honest to themselves. They lie to everyone and most of the time they don’t recognize that they are lying, because their lying is a reflex – they just do it without thinking about it. Continue reading Self-measurement of your honesty →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

We have talked about having a major goal in each period of our life, and persistently aiming at that goal to move forward until we reach the goal. Then setting a new goal for the next period. Most of the time, we work more effectively if we have a clear goal to pursuit.

However, if you are so hung up about your goal, you will become attached to it, with all the harmful effects of attachment. For example, you have a goal of having your own house before the age of 30. And you really focus on making money to fulfill that goal, to the degree that you are willing to join a corruption gang to do bribery deals, to make quick money. That is attachment with potential jail sentences. Continue reading Goal and non-attachment →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

The best and flexible way of living is non-attachment aka non-grasping. How to practice non-attachment?

Non-attachment is much harder than it sounds. Take a look at your own living you will see you attach to thousands of things – coffee in the morning (I can’t live through the day without coffee); I hate Hue people; if you have no religion, you’re no good; I hate tattooed people; no swearing; no slang; I want money and more money… You can see that we are attaching to many things – religion, politics, money, power, position, sacred books, hometown, country, foreign countries, culture, arts… Continue reading How to practice non-attachment →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

We all have learned to protect our name, our reputation and our honor fiercely, ready to stand up and fight to defend them when they are under attacked.

Name, reputation and honor are probably the same thing in Vietnamese. Name is danh; reputation is danh tiếng (voice/sound of name); honor is danh dự (praised name, meaning reputation too).

So, these threes are actually the same thing: our name (or our good name, if you will).

What does that mean? Continue reading Name, reputation and honor →

Dear Brothers and Sisters

This is Zen story numbered 53 in 101 Zen Stories.

The Giver Should Be Thankful

While Seisetsu was the master of Engaku in Kamakura he required larger quarters, since those in which he was teaching were overcrowded. Umezu Seibei a merchant of Edo, decided to donate five hundred pieces of gold called ryo toward the construction of a more commodious school. This money he brought to the teacher. Seisetsu said: “All right. I will take it.”

Umezu gave Seisetsu the sack of gold, but he was dissatisfied with the attitude of the teacher. One might live a whole year on three ryo, and the merchant had not even been thanked for five hundred.

– “In that sack are five hundred ryo,” hinted Umezu.
– “You told me that before,” replied Seisetsu.
– “Even if I am a wealthy merchant, five hundred ryo is a lot of money,” said Umezu.
– “Do you want me to thank you for it?” asked Seisetsi.
– “You ought to,” replied Umezu.
– “Why should I?” inquired Seisetsu. “The giver should be thankful.”

Of course, the giver should be thankful, because the receiver has given him an opportunity to do a good deed. Most of us have Umezu’s attitude – when we give, we want the receiver to thank us. That is an arrogant attitude, which takes all the blessings out of the gift. When we give, heaven blesses us, if we have the right attitude – happy and thankful with an opportunity to do a good deed. However, if we are arrogant when giving and want the receiver to thank, we have no blessings from heaven, because heaven doesn’t approve arrogancy.

The most important point, however, is that if we give with an arrogant attitude, we just use the gift to commit the sin of arrogance in our heart. The gift becomes an instrument of sin. We make ourself sinful by giving a gift.

Kahlil Griban in The Prophet wrote beautifully about giving in the chapter “On Giving”:

Then a rich man said, Speak to us of Giving.

And he answered:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?
And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?
And what is fear of need but need itself?
Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, the thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have—and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.
Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;
And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.
And is there aught you would withhold?
All you have shall some day be given;
Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors’.

You often say, “I would give, but only to the deserving.”
The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.
They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.
Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights, is worthy of all else from you.
And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.
And what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?
And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?
See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.
For in truth it is life that gives unto life—while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers—and you are all receivers—assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.
Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;
For to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the freehearted earth for mother, and God for father.

The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran.

Giver, see first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.
And you receivers—and you are all receivers—assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

Wish us all know how to give and how to receive.

With compassion,

Hoành

© copyright 2024
Trần Đình Hoành
Permitted for non-commercial use
www.dotchuoinon.com

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Although many Buddhists talks about forgiveness, it seems there is no concept of forgiving in the orthodox Buddhist philosophy.

When someone does something wrong to you, he has just sown a bad seed which will give him bad fruit. So, indeed he is sinful to himself, because he causes harm to himself. You may be hurt by his wrongdoing, but you don’t have the power to forgive him – he sows and he will reap, under the law of cause and effect. Your “forgiveness” to him has no effects on the causal law. Continue reading Forgive →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Below are 4 verses from the Dhammapada, the most prominent sutra in the Theravada tradition (Phật giáo Nguyên thủy). Poeple think that this sutra talks about the causal relationship between what we do in this life and what we receive in the next life (and many lives after). But I think this sutra, and all other Buddhist sutras, can fit neatly into this current life – what we sow and reap now and hereafter, in this current life on earth.

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

In Buddhist teaching, among three poisons (tam độc) – greed, anger, ignorance (tham, sân, si) – anger is probably the least heeded. People, including the preachers, tend to talk more about greed and ignorance than anger. And we can see that the “teachers” tend to get angry often too.

But, anger is one of the three poisons, folks. Continue reading Anger →

Dear Brothers and Sisters

That question has troubled numerous philosophers throughout history, and no one has been able to definitely answered it so that people don’t have to ask that question anymore. Yes, the question will stay alive as long as human is still around.

We cannot use language and logic to determine the existence of God, because God is a spirit, and spirit is invisible. When you talk about what you can’t see with your eyes (plus whatever equipment to aid your vision), it is hard to say anything, just like talking about ghost and demon.