Dear Brothers and Sisters,

You are Vietnamese. You may have a degree from the US or Europe, and you may wear a suit with a tie every day, but you are basically still a Vietnamese – you look Vietnamese and maybe your English speaking has a tint of Vietnamese accent in it.

Don’t try to act 100% like a Westerner, because you won’t be a Westerner, and because of an important thing: You have Vietnamese cultural capital in your pocket; take it out and use it for your advantage.

Let’s talk about your handshake. Handshake is important because it is the first and also the last thing that happens when people meet. First impression and last impression, both are ultra-important in communication and etiquette.

The Western handshake is your right hand gripping and shaking the other man’s right hand, while your body standing straight and your eyes looking at his eyes. It is formal and… cold.

Let’s add some Asian culture into the handshake to make it warmer, friendlier, and more respectful.

First, the hands. If you grip the other man’s hand with both of your hands, then that a show of great respect, usually used when you shake an elder’s hand in the Vietnamese culture.

However, in business and diplomacy, this way of handholding may be misunderstood as kowtowing, which is sign of weakness.

So, we change a little: Your right hand grips the other man’s right hand as usual, but you place your left hand on top of both gripping right hands, as in the picture below.

In this way, the handshake is warm and shows respect but with great confidence.

The head. While handshaking, bow down you head just a little, as if you are nodding your head.

Now you have a very Asian handshake, warm, friendly, respectful, and confident, which will win heart and mind of most people.

The great thing about this is that this handshake may make the other person feel so warm and respected, but he doesn’t know how to return the favour to you, because he has only his Western handshake. So, he feels like he owes you something. And he will love you for that.

If after a good-bye handshake, you top it off with putting both your palms together in front of your chest – chắp tay búp sen – as in a temple, and slightly bow to the other person, Thai style. Then he will be blown away.

The most important thing we are trying to achieve here is that you show yourself as a Vietnamese, and Asian, with respect and confidence toward others, and you respect them enough to act to them as who you truly are.

I guess in Vietnam today, people call it bamboo diplomacy. I like this term: Bamboo diplomacy.

Be respect and confident to show your true self in your communication.

Wish you all be confident in our bamboo diplomacy.

With compassion,

Hoành

© copyright 2023
Trần Đình Hoành
Permitted for non-commercial use
www.dotchuoinon.com

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Each person has an aura – an appearance, a look, an “air” – that says something about us, such as “this is a sweet lady”, “this man looks mean”, “this women is untrustworthy”… We Vietnamese call it “tướng” – tướng hiền lành (aura of gentleness), tướng làm quan (aura of a future general)… Continue reading Aura →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

What is learning? How do we learn?

Most people think that you learn by listening to what your teacher says, understand it, and keep it in your memory. Probably this way of learning is true to almost everything we learn, but that is only the outward appearance of learning. Inside, in our head and our heart, true learning is a process of thinking, of questioning, of reflecting on what we see, hear, smell and touch outside.

Say, the first time you see a racoon, you immediately have a series of questions: What animal is this? What do they call it? Where is it from? Where is its normal habitat? What does it do? What does it eat? Is it gentle or mean? Will it jump up and attack me if I get close? Does it carry diseases that it may pass on to human?… Continue reading Learning →

Chào các bạn,

Nói đến môi trường, chúng ta nghĩ ngay đế sông núi cầu đường. Nhưng phần chính và quan trọng nhất của môi trường là những người sống trong môi trường đó – họ chính là một phần, và là phần lớn nhất, của môi trường.

Các bạn có chạy xe lên một thành phố lớn trên núi bao giờ chưa? Bạn chạy đường núi cả nửa ngày chỉ thấy núi rừng sông suối, chim chóc, nai mễn, trời mây… Đến thành phố cũng ngay trên dãy núi đó thì hoàn toàn khác – đường xá xe cộ ì đùng, nhà cửa buildings cao tầng san sát, người qua lại đầy hai lề đi bộ, thùng rác đứng dọc hè phố…

Hai môi trường – đường núi và thành phố núi – khác nhau 180 độ như thế, chỉ vì một bên thì ít người và một bên thì người san sát. Continue reading Liên hệ giữa chúng ta và môi trường sống →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Talking is the most important part of human communication. Unless you are a student in the Speechless Zen tradition (Thiền Vô Ngôn), talking is a major part of your daily communication.

How to talk effectively?

“Talking effectively” means talking in a way that (1) draws your listeners’ attention and interest and (2) by the end, convinces your listeners of your points. Continue reading How to talk effectively →

Dear Brothers and Sisters

“Expand your horizon” means “Have a broader view of the world around you.” I have talked about this very often here in ĐCN.

Your generation is way different from your parents’generation. Today the world is a village – countries and people connecting togerther in a network called global village. Everything happens to one person in the village also affects others in the village. Say, some accident happens in Coca Cola USA may affect all the Coca Cola branches around the world and the pockets of billions of consumers. Continue reading Expand your horizon →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

The world curently have so many on-going wars that one can hardly keep us with the count: Russia-Ukraine, Israel-Palestinians, Columbia, Somali, Yemen, Afghanistan, Sudan, India, Philippines, Myanmar, Syria, Iraq… and almost every country of the world. In addition, today war is more sophisticated – beside biologial and chemical warfares (which are outlawed by international law), some rogue states – Russia, North Korea, Iran – constantly hold up the nuclear scepter. And there are psychologial warfare, misinformation warfare, hacking warfare, economic warfare – starving your opponent to death…

Map of ongoing armed conflicts (number of combat-related deaths in current or past year):  Brown: Major wars (10,000 or more) , Red: Wars (1,000–9,999), Orange:  Minor conflicts (100–999); Yellow Skirmishes and clashes (1–99)

So, how do you feel about the world today?

Have you ever thought about the world you are living in at all?

If you have been blissfully ignorant of the world’s woeful condition, then you are in deed ignorant, though ignorant in happiness.

Ignorance is bad – it is one of the Three Poisons in Buddhist philosophy – Greed, Anger, Ignorance (Tam độc: than, sân, si).

You live in a home, you need to always be aware of its state, physical and spiritual – where it needs to be fixed. Otherwise, the home will collapse on your head some day.

We have only one world to live in, we need to pay attention to our world.

It is an environmental matter, my friends. We need to pay attention to where we live: our house, village, city, country, world…

Many people have no idea about the world outside their family. For them, the world is too far, they don’t need to care, there are many world leaders working on world issues, why should the lowly me worry about the moon?

That would be like the attitude of some students: Why should I care about the school? I can’t do anything about its problems. That is the job of the principal and the teachers.

Well, we all know that a school with many students with such attitude will become a gangster hub very soon. Or it is already a gangster hub.

The environment we live in, be it village, city, nation or world, needs the attention and care from everyone of us. That is a natural matter, a logical matter, and a self-evident truth we all know by intuition, observation, and experience.

But what can I do for the world?

At the least, you can pray: “God/Buddha, please help our world be better.” That takes 2 seconds of your precious time. (“Oh My Lord, 2 looo…ng seconds of my ultra-busy time! I’ll be late for my meeting!” Busy Sir, can you pray for 2 seconds when you drive, to save you some precious time?)

If you don’t like praying. Then concentrate and say quietly: “I wish a better world.” That also takes 2 seconds.

Do that everyday, right after waking up in the morning is the best time.

That would be enough to be a relatively strong energy source to help save the world.

Don’t, never, ever, underestimate the power of your positive thinking, on yourself and on the world, at the same time.

Wish you all be positive to our world.

With compassion,

Hoành

© copyright 2023
Trần Đình Hoành
Permitted for non-commercial use
www.dotchuoinon.com

Dear Brothers and Sisters

In primary school, I was taught: “You should be humble. When you see the poor, the disabled, you must lower yourself to their level to be equal to them.” I practiced that faithfully for many years, at least probably till I was in my 40s, but I always found it so hard to be humble. I couldn’t understand why.

Today, I have found the culprit. That is: The teaching I was taught contained these premises: (1) You are higher than many people, (2) Many people, including the poor and the disabled, are lower than you, (3) So, when you meet them, you humble yourself by lowering yourself to their level. Continue reading Humility →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

We may get pulled against our will by money, property, career, business, job, big ambition, love relationship, jealousy, anger… Almost anything in life, be it money, power, or anything else, can pull us so powerfully that we may have to run after it with all our might, all our life, never stop.

Of course, if you get pulled like that, as we can see in many people, you will constantly be in extreme stress and will succumb to all kinds of fatal illnesses, such as stroke, heart attack, cancer, and many other diseases due to the collapse of the immune system. Continue reading Don’t get pulled against your will →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

People love formulas. There are formulas for everything under the sun.

A formula is a clear and systematic method of doing something. Say, you learn to write your first sentence in English: “I love you.” The formula for the sentence is: 1) Subject “I” comes first. 2) Verb “love” comes second, standing next to the subject. 3) Object “you” comes last, standing next to the verb. That is the writing formula you will use for the rest of your life.

(Note: If you are a girl learning English from a foreign guy, or vice versa, chances are the first sentence he teaches you is exactly that: “I love you.” Real life. Not my imagination 🙂 ) Continue reading Formula →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

You win some, you lose some.

You win a university exam, you lose a girl friend, you win a ticket to a concert, you lose the exam to be a medical expert…

Winning and losing is the most facinating story of the human life.

First of all, is there such a thing called losing or winning? Continue reading Winning and losing →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Are you unhappy? If yes, then what make you unhappy?

Of course, there may be a thousand causes that make a person unhappy, but the most common causes we may hear are: I’ve lost a friend, or a motorcycle, or my business, or my spouse; or I failed the university entrance exam, or the job interview; or I don’t have a job, or a house, or a lover… In sum, most of us are unhappy because we want something but we lose, or can’t have, that thing. Continue reading Are you unhappy? →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

When are you old? Probably you are thinking about age – 60, 70, 80…

“Old” means you retire, don’t want to be involved much with life, not active in anything, slow and weak, and very much waiting to go back to your ancestors.

But, think about the woman who got a bachelor degree at 74, the man who finished the drawing class at 80, or Zen master Joshu who began learning Zen at 60 until 80 when he realized Zen, and taught Zen till 120. Continue reading Are you young or old? →