Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Confucius teaches Five Constant Virtues (Ngũ thường) which, starting from the most important to the less, are Humanity, Respect, Loyalty, Wisdom and Trust – Nhân, Lễ, Nghĩa, Trí, Tín. These are the fundamental virtues to live by, to keep both the individual and the society strong and healthy. Continue reading Humanity, Respect, Loyalty, Wisdom, Trust →

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Most people going through life with the ideas of what they want to have – job, home, money, position, property, power – but no ideas about that kind of people they want to be.

The world generally thinks about 2 kinds of people: good and bad. Continue reading What kind of people you want to be? →

Dear Brothers (and Sisters),

Hey guys, have you ever cried?

When I grew up, I was trained by the older generations, like the famed scholar Phạm Quỳnh, that: men don’t cry, don’t smile, don’t laugh, don’t have a lot of body movements – like a statue – because we men are supposed to keep all emotions inside, so that nobody can read our thoughts and emotions. We men must be like generals whom no opponents can read anything when they look at us.

It made perfect sense to me, because we have been a country constantly at war for thousands of years against, first, our “big brother” China (who liked to lord over its southern stubborn little brother on and off for about 10 centuries in total, starting with Zhao Tuo – Triệu Đà – a general of the Chinese Qin dynasty (nhà Tần), establishing Nanyue (Nam Việt) in 204 BC after the collapse of the Qin dynasty), then the Mongolians (as ruler of China), then the Manchurians (as ruler of China), then the French (white devils), the Japs (children of Sun Goddess Amaterasu, during World War II) and Big Uncle Sam (big, strong, and cuckoo in the head), to defend, re-claim and protect our independence. If you have to be a warrior during your 20 incarnated lives to keep fighting against foreign aggressive powers like that, you want to show your opponents an icy, emotionless face in the battle – a pure fighting machine; the only cry you want to make is the battle cry “Advance! Kill!”

So, I liked old man Phạm Quỳnh and tried to wear an emotionless face and maintain stiff body movements all the time – Hey, man, I am a warrior of the Great Vietnam, no smiling, no laughing, stiff body, and absolutely no emotional crying with tears flowing.

But for some reason, at one time I could not control myself and started crying. I am not sure what was the reason and when – probably I was kicked out by a girlfriend. But I don’t remember there was a girl involved; besides, I was usually not that mushy with girls – more or less, I would be cool and in self-control.

If I have to guess, I would guess that had to be something related to a situation involving a sad condition for so many people, like seeing a military GMC truck full of soldier corpses during the War, or poor farming villages set ablaze by napalm bombs…

Anyway, the first time I actually cried with tears flowing, I felt such a tremendous relief in my heart. I felt lighter, relieved, and more human – it seemed I was no more a machine or a robot, but a real weak and vulnerable man, with no need to pretend to be a super-fighter.

From that point on, I paid more attention to others’ emotional states and their sadness and tears, and felt that I understood them more.

Much later I read somewhere the popular psychology that you should allow yourself to be in touch with your inner feelings and let them express themselves freely to you, and to others at times; that would make you more humane and wiser.

I think that is correct. EQ is better than IQ.

So, men, cry whenever you feel wanting to cry. No need to hide our emotions. At least, crying will relieve your stress, in addition to make you more humane and wiser.

Wish we all be in touch with our emotions.

With compassion,

Hoành

© copyright 2024
Trần Đình Hoành
Permitted for non-commercial use
www.dotchuoinon.com

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

We all are happy when succeeding and stressed when failing. That is natural. But we also know we become wiser after each failure, be it a lost love or a bankrupt business. That is why we says, “Failure is mother of success.”

However, this is something you may have overlooked.

If failure is mother of success, then there is indeed no failure. Each “failure” makes us wiser, then each failure is a success in being wiser.

All my life, as far back as I can remember, I have never thought “I am failing.” Of course, have been unsuccessful at many things, but I have never thought “I am failing.” No one ever teaches me to think that way. Somehow, I have thought that way since I was very little, I guess.

Every time I am unsuccessful at something, I feel absolutely like winning – just “no big deal.” Somehow, I naturally know you win some and lose some, no big deal. In my primary school time, I used to be first in my class. Sometimes I dropped down to second. One day in my fifth grade, my dad wrote a comment on my school report: “Why falling down? Try harder or you will be punished.” I held the report, read it and talked quiet to myself: “What’s the big deal. I can’t be number one all the time. There is only one way for me to go sometimes is to go down because I can’t go up.” I guess, that was the day that I formed in my head the idea that ups and downs are natural and no big deal.

Growing up from that day, every time I am unsuccessful at anything, I just think: “Good, one more good lesson.” Truly, I have never seen any failure as failure. The dictionary in my head probably doesn’t have the word “failure.” Every time, winning or losing, I only see a good living experience. I have never stressed at losing anything. In sentimental matters, I hurt like crazy when I lose someone or make someone hurt, but I don’t call that failure – just one more good lesson to learn.

Life is a long series of learning and experiencing. Ups and downs are living lessons and living experiences. All lessons and experiences, be they hurting or comforting, are good for us.

No failure. Just another good hurting lesson, once in a while. Thanks, God.

Wish everyone enjoy the ride up and down.

With compassion,

Hoành

© copyright 2024
Trần Đình Hoành
Permitted for non-commercial use
www.dotchuoinon.com