Dear Brothers (and Sisters),

Hey guys, have you ever cried?

When I grew up, I was trained by the older generations, like the famed scholar Phạm Quỳnh, that: men don’t cry, don’t smile, don’t laugh, don’t have a lot of body movements – like a statue – because we men are supposed to keep all emotions inside, so that nobody can read our thoughts and emotions. We men must be like generals whom no opponents can read anything when they look at us.

It made perfect sense to me, because we have been a country constantly at war for thousands of years against, first, our “big brother” China (who liked to lord over its southern stubborn little brother on and off for about 10 centuries in total, starting with Zhao Tuo – Triệu Đà – a general of the Chinese Qin dynasty (nhà Tần), establishing Nanyue (Nam Việt) in 204 BC after the collapse of the Qin dynasty), then the Mongolians (as ruler of China), then the Manchurians (as ruler of China), then the French (white devils), the Japs (children of Sun Goddess Amaterasu, during World War II) and Big Uncle Sam (big, strong, and cuckoo in the head), to defend, re-claim and protect our independence. If you have to be a warrior during your 20 incarnated lives to keep fighting against foreign aggressive powers like that, you want to show your opponents an icy, emotionless face in the battle – a pure fighting machine; the only cry you want to make is the battle cry “Advance! Kill!”

So, I liked old man Phạm Quỳnh and tried to wear an emotionless face and maintain stiff body movements all the time – Hey, man, I am a warrior of the Great Vietnam, no smiling, no laughing, stiff body, and absolutely no emotional crying with tears flowing.

But for some reason, at one time I could not control myself and started crying. I am not sure what was the reason and when – probably I was kicked out by a girlfriend. But I don’t remember there was a girl involved; besides, I was usually not that mushy with girls – more or less, I would be cool and in self-control.

If I have to guess, I would guess that had to be something related to a situation involving a sad condition for so many people, like seeing a military GMC truck full of soldier corpses during the War, or poor farming villages set ablaze by napalm bombs…

Anyway, the first time I actually cried with tears flowing, I felt such a tremendous relief in my heart. I felt lighter, relieved, and more human – it seemed I was no more a machine or a robot, but a real weak and vulnerable man, with no need to pretend to be a super-fighter.

From that point on, I paid more attention to others’ emotional states and their sadness and tears, and felt that I understood them more.

Much later I read somewhere the popular psychology that you should allow yourself to be in touch with your inner feelings and let them express themselves freely to you, and to others at times; that would make you more humane and wiser.

I think that is correct. EQ is better than IQ.

So, men, cry whenever you feel wanting to cry. No need to hide our emotions. At least, crying will relieve your stress, in addition to make you more humane and wiser.

Wish we all be in touch with our emotions.

With compassion,

Hoành

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Trần Đình Hoành
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