Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Have you ever asked yourself that question: “Am I trustworthy?” Or, have you ever told people who know you: “Trust me”?

If you don’t have the courage to say “Trust me” to the people who know you, chances are you know you are not trustworthy to them.

Trustworthy means worthy to be trusted, trustable.

Today, too many people lie all day, so people tend not to trust anyone – they lie to everyone and don’t trust anyone. That is the society’s sad truth. So, if you want to be trusted, you have to keep telling the truth for a long time, at least several years, before people start trusting you.

When I established the Vietnamese American Education Foundation (VAEF) in 1992, with the purpose of bringing overseas Vietnamese professionals back to Vietnam to teach, to help Vietnam with the necessary knowledge to develop quickly. The US still embargoed Vietnam. My other purpose is to establish educational & other humanitarian activities between US and VN to speed up the diplomatic normalization between the two countries. VN and the US didn’t have any mutual trust then. The Vietnamese government and the overseas Vietnamese community, especially the community in USA, also didn’t have mutual trust. In addition, whoever did that kind of “bridging” project could be shot by some crazy folks in the overseas Vietnamese community.

I told the people who followed me: “Nobody trusts us now, because nobody trusts anybody. So, we are walking a very dangerous line between many mutually distrusting forces, and we have zero force and strength to protect ourselves. But we shall place number-one priority in transparency and honesty: no secret; no dishonesty; everything we do, the entire world knows, if they want to know; everything we say or write has to be the truth from our heart. And we need to give everyone 10 years to learn to trust us.”

And I was correct. At first, we got lots of threats and grieves. But as the time went by, people gradually quieted down. After 10 years, we had the reputation of a super-professional and super-honest group.

To sum up, because people don’t trust each other, you need to be very honest for several years before you obtain the honesty reputation.

What is honesty?

It means when you speak:

– Your words have to be truthful and clear.

Vague info is automatically perceived as untruth. Ex: “Where are you going now?” Answer: “Just running around.” That is a vague answer – answering but saying nothing. It is untrustworthy.

Or “where are you going?” Answer: “I’m going to see an old friend.” That answer is correct, but only in the first half; the second half has more important info that you plan to punch the old friend at least 10 bloody punches for stealing your girlfriend a week ago. That important part is hidden. That is misleading info, and is a form of lying.

If something you can’t say or don’t want to say for some reason, don’t say it. If you say something, it has to be truthful and clear. “I shall tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth” – that is the swearing-in statement of any witness in court.

– When you promise, keep your promise. If you say “I’ll come to see you 9am tomorrow.” Make sure 9am you show up.” If you get stuck in traffic, call. But don’t get stuck in the traffic every time. You need to plan ahead to have enough time to meet on time. If you are always late because of traffic, then that is chronic lying, not traffic.

Vague promise usually is never kept and, therefore, untrustworthy. Ex: “I’ll come when I have some time.” It means, probably you will have time 5 years from now. Vague promise is another form of lying.

In summary, you need to be truthful and clear for a long time, before people start to really believe in you and you start to have a reputation of a trustworthy person.

And that is a good reputation to have, because that is the beginning of your smooth road to success, however you define success.

Wish you all be successful in life.

With compassion,

Hoành

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Trần Đình Hoành
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