Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Communication is the most basic and fundamental activity among people. What we always do with each other, even when we do nothing else, is communication – at least talking to each other in one or two sentences.

Communication is the string that ties us humans together into networks – family, school, neighborhood, church, temple, company, market, tourist hotspot…

Without communication we all are simply dust particles blown in the wind.

So, communication is our most essential activity. We may think of eating, drinking or sleeping as the most essential activities. Yes, but that is for each individual. For a society, communication is your eating, drinking, and sleeping. Society doesn’t need to eat, drink or sleep, but society need communicating – all the connecting wires of the networks need to be alive and functioning at all times.

How good are you in communication?

Probably this is a relatively hard question to answer, because we have several ways of communication in our arsenal. We have talking, body language, and silence. Each of these three, in turn, has many variations:

The voice has different tones, changes in pitch, speed and intensity, and different kinds of words used.

Body language has eye movements, facial expressions, head, hands, legs, sitting and standing postures.

And silence. You may think silence is no communication. But an experienced person will know that silence can say a lot. If you ask mom for some money and she says nothing, that’s obviously is a loud “NO”. If the man says, “Good morning” and the lady says nothing, that could mean a thundering curse: “You SOB, go away from me. I don’t want to see your stupid obnoxious face ever again. Do you hear me? Go away!” So, silence can talk very noisily at times. OK, folks?

(The Vô Ngôn Thông Zen school – Understand Without Words school – relies on quiet meditation and doesn’t rely much on words in teaching and learning. Many other Zen schools, although using verbal communication more often in training, also emphasize quiet meditation as the core of training. That is because Zen training is mainly a personal training – focusing on each person to observe himself to know himself (his mind/heart), and to know the world through knowing the self. Zen doesn’t focus on social building, although social building comes naturally as a result of understanding the self and understanding the world).

Anyway, back to the subject. We have three main ways of communication – verbal language, body language, and silence. How good are you in communication?

You don’t need to be good in all three – mastering one is enough to make you a master in communication. So, you just need to be good in one communication method.

Regardless of your method of communication, here is the gist of the art of communication.

1. Communication is good only when you have love, compassion or friendship in your heart. When two persons are in love, one spoken word may mean a thousand words. That, every one of us understands.

The reverse is also true. If you have hatred in your heart, your communication is bad – it almost always derails and misses the target.

2. Our communication is not for ourself, but for others. You talk to others, not to yourself. So, you need to

i. Talk in a way you know that the listener may understand you. Use words, speed and tone of voice in a way that the listener may understand you clearly. More often than not, you may need to repeat what you have just said one or two times, for the person to be able to absorb what you say. Teachers usually are the best communicators, so learn to speak like a teacher – slowly and clearly and a lot of repetition.

ii. Provide enough information in your communication. “Enough” is important, because if you say a part of the information and leave some part out, the listener may misunderstand what you say. Ex: “I am going out to look for a good pen to buy. I’ll be home in 45 minutes or an hour. If it takes me longer, I’ll call you.” This is a very sufficient piece of communication. However, “I’m going out” is insufficient info.

iii. Make sure you remember that your listener has reasons to need enough information from you.

Your parents worry about you when you are out of the home, because anything may happen out there: traffic accident, people killing each other, police making arrest… Make sure you tell members of your family (parents, brothers, sisters) where you go and when you may be back, so that they don’t worry much, and if something happens to you, they would know where to start searching.

My secretary always knows where I am at any time during the working day. I go to lunch, I tell her: “I am going to lunch and will be back in 45 minutes.” I go to the restroom, I tell her: “I’ll be back in 10 minutes.” Why? Because when people call me, they usually have problems that need a lawyer’s counsel. They are stressed and need to hear some assurance and explanation from me the lawyer. So, I don’t want to make them wait in anxiety. If I am not there, I want them to know when I will be back and I will call them back then. That would make them calm down while waiting for me. I don’t want my secretary to tell them: “He is out. I don’t know where he is or when he will be back.” That is a dumb way to treat your client or potential client in distress.

So when you go out of your home or your office, give your family/office members enough info, so that they will be at peace. That is caring and that is teamwork.

That’s it. Not much to learn in communication. But it is an art that need constant practice and refinement to master, just like music – only 7 notes to learn, but a lifetime to master.

The gist is: Let your heart do the communication. Loving and caring for others will make you a master in communication.

Trust me.

Wish you master your communication.

With compassion,

Hoành

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Trần Đình Hoành
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