Dear Brothers and Sisters,

You are Vietnamese. You may have a degree from the US or Europe, and you may wear a suit with a tie every day, but you are basically still a Vietnamese – you look Vietnamese and maybe your English speaking has a tint of Vietnamese accent in it.

Don’t try to act 100% like a Westerner, because you won’t be a Westerner, and because of an important thing: You have Vietnamese cultural capital in your pocket; take it out and use it for your advantage.

Let’s talk about your handshake. Handshake is important because it is the first and also the last thing that happens when people meet. First impression and last impression, both are ultra-important in communication and etiquette.

The Western handshake is your right hand gripping and shaking the other man’s right hand, while your body standing straight and your eyes looking at his eyes. It is formal and… cold.

Let’s add some Asian culture into the handshake to make it warmer, friendlier, and more respectful.

First, the hands. If you grip the other man’s hand with both of your hands, then that a show of great respect, usually used when you shake an elder’s hand in the Vietnamese culture.

However, in business and diplomacy, this way of handholding may be misunderstood as kowtowing, which is sign of weakness.

So, we change a little: Your right hand grips the other man’s right hand as usual, but you place your left hand on top of both gripping right hands, as in the picture below.

In this way, the handshake is warm and shows respect but with great confidence.

The head. While handshaking, bow down you head just a little, as if you are nodding your head.

Now you have a very Asian handshake, warm, friendly, respectful, and confident, which will win heart and mind of most people.

The great thing about this is that this handshake may make the other person feel so warm and respected, but he doesn’t know how to return the favour to you, because he has only his Western handshake. So, he feels like he owes you something. And he will love you for that.

If after a good-bye handshake, you top it off with putting both your palms together in front of your chest – chắp tay búp sen – as in a temple, and slightly bow to the other person, Thai style. Then he will be blown away.

The most important thing we are trying to achieve here is that you show yourself as a Vietnamese, and Asian, with respect and confidence toward others, and you respect them enough to act to them as who you truly are.

I guess in Vietnam today, people call it bamboo diplomacy. I like this term: Bamboo diplomacy.

Be respect and confident to show your true self in your communication.

Wish you all be confident in our bamboo diplomacy.

With compassion,

Hoành

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Trần Đình Hoành
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