Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Are you unhappy? If yes, then what make you unhappy?

Of course, there may be a thousand causes that make a person unhappy, but the most common causes we may hear are: I’ve lost a friend, or a motorcycle, or my business, or my spouse; or I failed the university entrance exam, or the job interview; or I don’t have a job, or a house, or a lover… In sum, most of us are unhappy because we want something but we lose, or can’t have, that thing.

Wanting something but unable to possess that thing – unfulfilled desire – is a cause of unhappiness. In Buddhist terminology, that is cầu bất đắc khổ, translated into English as frustrated-desire suffering, or unfulfilled-desire suffering.

Desire is the main cause of suffering. Desire is a link in the series of 12 Causal Links (Thập nhị nhân duyên) that keep us human suffering and forever circulating in the samsara circle (vòng luân hồi) again and again.

But, we don’t have to talk about “the suffering-laden, continuous cycle of life, death, and rebirth, without beginning or end” that is called samsara. We talk about hundreds of things making you unhappy now. Those hundreds of things intersect at one place: desire. Or to be exact, unfulfilled desire.

Unfulfilled desire is the cause of your unhappiness.

Desire is the cause of unhappiness. Then, to eliminate unhappiness, we eliminate desire. That is a very logical solution.

But here is the problem: We always have some desires – enough money to live on, a place to sleep, clothing to wear, a lover (hopefully), a job, a scooter… namely, basic life necessities. So, how do we eliminate all desires?

First, if you desire true basic necessities only, chances are you will have them easily, because it is not hard to satisfy basic living needs. The problem of desire is in things other than basic.

Second, we may want something more than basic once in awhile – a nice vacation, a large home to house friends and guests, a couple of nice suits for special occasions… Wishing for these things is probably reasonable and acceptable.

But here is the secret: Desire, by itself, is not a problem. Problem comes when we grasp onto (attach ourself to) our desire. Grasping/attaching (bám, chấp) is the problem, not the desire itself.

If you want a car but you don’t grasp onto the desire of car – the car comes, you’re happy; the car doesn’t come, you’re happy; the car comes and goes, you’re always happy – then you can see that wanting a car is not a problem, when you don’t attach youself to that desire.

The mistake in people thinking is that they point their finger to “things” they want – money, house, vehicle, reputation…

No, things are not the problem. The problem is our mental attitude of grasping onto the idea in our head that “I must have this thing” and then we start to do all kinds of crazy stuffs to achieve that thing. And we become greedy, unhappy, and stressful.

Non-attchment/non-grasping is a relaxed mental attitude that looks at everything in life with the eyes of a baby: everything is cute, so when mom gives me something, I play with it, when mon takes it a way to give me a bath, I am happy to stop playing and enjoy my bath.

Don’t attach yourself to anything – vô chấp – that is the attitude that brings happiness.

We grasp, we suffer.

Don’t glue yourself to any place, you shall be enlightened. Ưng vô sở trụ, nhi sanh kỳ tâm (Diamond Sutra – Kinh Kim Cang).

So, remember, it is not your desire that is the problem. The problem is your attachment to your desire, which generates greed, unhappiness, and stress.

The problem is not in things. The problem is in our mental attitude.

Wish you all happiness.

With compassion,

Hoành

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Trần Đình Hoành
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