Dear brothers and sisters,

For the last 60 years, the word “loyalty – trung thành” probably is the least heard word in the Vietnamese culture. For a long time now, loyalty is considered a bad word. I have heard people explain that loyalty is a Confucian idea, used by the powerful to force the powerless to be loyal, so it is an oudated and evil idea, which must be erased.

So, do you know what has happened in the last 60 years in the Vietnamese culture?

The Vietnamese simply don’t know about loyalty in the last 60 years. I grew up and saw the leadership of South Vietnam (VNCH), which was made up of a bunch of military generals, kill each other and kill their big brothers – the state president and his brothers – in their fights to grab power. And I saw normal people turn against each other and hit each other on the head, including erasing their friends and acquaintances, just because people have different political ideas. They acted like human relations, brotherly ties and dear friendships have no value when facing political ideas – which are just that – stupid ideas, drawings of cakes in the sky.

In college time, although still young and inexperienced, I could never understand such stupidity of valueing a cake drawing in the sky more than your real relationships with real humans around you. To me, that was ultimate stupidity, probably nothing in the world can top it.

My dear friends, loyalty is the glue that binds us humans together, to become a mass, a community, a world of people. Without loyalty, we are just a pile of dust, blown away in the wind – no community, no family, no love, no marriage, no friendship, no association, just dust specks blown off by the wind.

In the five virtues – nhân lễ nghĩa trí tín: humanity, respect, loyalty, wisdom, trust – loyalty plays a central role in forming society. In our language, we say nghĩa vợ chồng (wife-husband loyalty), nghĩa anh em (brotherly loyalty), nghĩa chị em (sisterly loyalty), nghĩa bằng hữu (friendship loyalty), nghĩa thầy trò (teacher-student loyalty) …

These “nghĩa” (loyalties) are two-way roads – the two persons in a relationship loyal to each other. That mutual loyalty makes the relationship strong and everlasting.

I have a rule that I tell all my friends: “If you are my friend, you are my friend for life. I will never consider you not my friend, for any reason whatsoever.” More than once, I have friends hurl all kinds of insult at me just because I do work with Vietnam and in Vietnam for my people. I tell them: “I want you to know this. We probably cannot talk to each other anymore, because I don’t want to quarrel and I don’t enjoy being insulted. But you have been my friend and you will be my friend for life. I don’t cut tie with my friend. You cannot do anything in the world to make me hate you and consider you a no-friend. OK? So, I will avoid talking to you to keep the peace. But you are always my friend. Remember that.”

If you lose your friend just because of some disagreement, then you don’t understand friendship. And that is also true with any other kind of relationship – husband-wife, lovers, teacher-student, teammates…

Nghĩa – loyalty – is love and duty. You love the other person, and you have the duty to stay loyal to the other person. Duty means a job, a mission, a work. If you stay married when you’re happy and when you’re unhappy you divorce, then you are not doing your duty of loyalty.

Do you love your country? Yes. Are you willing to die for your country? Yes? Dying for your country means loyal to your country. And that is more than love, that is a duty.

Why do we have the duty of loyalty to each other?

Because without loyalty, the human race is just a handful of dust specks blown off by the wind.

Wish you always be loyal.

With compassion,

Hoanh

© copyright 2023
Trần Đình Hoành
Permitted for non-commercial use
www.dotchuoinon.com