Dear Brothers & Sisters,

Have you ever broken something – like a ceramic dish – when you were angry?

People do that very often. Husband and wife arguing, someone breaks something, or both break things in a breaking competition.

If you learn martial arts, probably your master will tell you, “When you get angry, instead of punching someone, punch the punching bag.”

When we’re angry, we have the urge to break things, including the most obvious thing: the relationship involved. We break marriage relationship when we’re angry, break friendship when we’re angry, break employment relationship when we’re angry, break customer relationship when we’re angry… Your name it.

Relationships have many different reasons to be broken, but the final landmark for parting is anger.

So, watch out when you’re angry. I tell evereyone: “Don’t do anything, don’t make any decision, when you are angry. Because when you’re angry, you’re not thinking – your anger does the thinking.” And you should never want your anger to do the thinking for you, because anger is the most stupid guy you have ever met. OK?

Wait till you’re cool down and can think with a calm mind, then you can make whatever decision you want. But most of the time, when you’re calm down, you will want to keep your relationship in tact.

A couple may like to compete in dish breaking when they’re angry – to see who can break more dishes in 10 minutes. (After 10 minutes, no more dish in the house to serve the competition). And several days later, they go to buy a new set of dishes.

But, if you break your relationship, you can’t buy it back that easily. Chances are you lose it for good. So, please careful with your relationship – don’t break a relationship when you’re angry.

Better yet, don’t get angry at all.

So, we’re talking about Zen – Zen master is always cool like a cucumber. Nothing makes a Zen master jumpy – the house is burning, he may jump to put the fire out, but he’s not jumpy in his mind/heart.

Zen is really not about sitting and breathing in and out, as many people mistaken. Breathing is only the first step to train you to sit still and be quiet – especially when you wife is breaking 20 dishes already – you can just sit there and breathe quietly.

Zen is really about the attitude of taking everything – good or bad, big or small, meaningful or meaningless – with a cool and calm attitude: “I’am just watching everything happen, like watching TV. Whatever happens on the screen, I just watch. Life is only a TV screen with many things moving on the screen. I don’t have to attach myself to those on-screen images, because they are not real. The real life is me with a serene heart watching the world.”

That is Nirvana – the fire is out.

Wish you all be calm always.

With compassion,

Hoành

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